blogging, but not writing?

12 Mar, 2024

i sent a small blog about blogging to misu¹ semi-recently. my friend chia wrote it for a workshop a while back. i didn’t attend it, but it was something they sent me when the topic of it came up in our group chat. after reading & re-reading what they both wrote (definitely worth checking out!), i realized that yeah, i’ve started blogging, but i’ve never started thinking about blogging?

i don’t have all the answers to all the questions chia’s posed, and i don’t have any great insights to share – but here’s the best i have.

✿ what would you like to blog about? who would you like to blog with?

i think i like to blog about anything! my life, my dreams, my feelings, my loved things and loved ones. it’s all very personal and maybe very self-centered, but that’s okay. right now, i’m blogging with some of my best friends.

✿ how are you going to name your blog? how about your entries? how are you going to name the author of your blog?

i like the word passerine. before choosing it, i actually wanted “saccharine” instead, but that had been taken. i think all my blog entries will continue to start with an -ing word until further notice; stopping too soon will make me feel weird. i started because i liked the continuity from "passerine, perching"! there's no other worthwhile reason.

i considered using "rine" as a pseudonym early on, but i decided not to. i didn’t think i’d need the privacy it afforded me. i also just like my real name more.²

✿ who do you write blog for?

my blog is addressed to the void, to myself, and to the few friends that float here with me. i didn’t expect any other people to read it. (hello & my deepest thanks to everyone who has/does!)

✿ what should people feel before, while, and after reading?

naively, but also with full honesty, i hope everyone will come to authentically like me as i am here. i know this will not always be the case </3 but a girl can dream.

✿ who will you try to be, as a writer blogger? which fragment of yourself would you like to present?

ah well, how many words away am i from calling myself a “writer”? i’m not sure. i don’t know if i’ll ever personally get there. i don’t even feel that one year of dungeon master-ing is enough to propel me into it. like “artist”, it’s a label i tend to revere and hold sacred, but i’m only ever afraid to include myself in it. i can only imagine poisoning a well. of course, there is some element of self-deprecation to this. i think that’s unavoidable for me; it’s just how i grew up. though maybe it’s also partly my own refusal to hold myself to higher standards. the two are likely related.

at a christmas party two years ago, my mom commented on how confident my nieces and nephews were. they were barely in the double-digits and were already singing and performing karaoke for the whole family. she wondered why none of us had been like that. but we explained that she had always taught us not to be. my two elder sisters and i had been raised to be quiet. to speak only when spoken to. to be seen and not heard.³

so it’s hard to imagine myself as “writer”, or in general, as someone with something to say. for now, i can only be “blogger”.⁴ it feels lighter to carry —like i’m taking up less space somehow. though i also recognize blogging is very much writing and the two are effectively the same thing. i'm still trying to figure out my issue with this. i've never had problems with labels otherwise. i'm sorry if none of this makes much sense.

it's just that the internet is vast and it's easier to picture my blog as one of its smallest, infinite corners. there is certain joy & sense of freedom that comes with it. so in terms of fragments: i just want to try to be as sincere as i can. it would be a waste not to — as a blogger, that is. but maybe later as a writer.

✿ is the blog precious?

right now, yes! and i think it will continue to be for the foreseeable future.

also, now that i've reached the end, i've read and typed every form of the word "blog", too many times for it to feel like a word to me. can i do the same for "write"?

gabby also recently posted on a similar struggle, pinky-promise this wasn't planned! take a gander :)

#rambling